The Secret to Less Stress and More Progress

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Ever feel like you're drowning in things you can't control?
 
I get it. It's frustrating when life throws curveballs like that potentially AMAZING lead ghosting you…
 
Or that toxic client failing to pay you what they owe. But here's the reality: You have way more power than you think.
 
This week’s podcast is all about “Controlling the Controllables”. It’s simple—stop wasting energy on what you can't change, and laser-focus on what you can.
 
Funny enough this is something I learned from my 3-year-old niece, and now it's your turn to apply this to your life.
 
In this episode you’ll discover:
  • How great parenting relates to you and your business
  • How to adjust your attitude and actions when….
  • Why you need more leads
  • Toxic attitudes to avoid
  • Setting aside time to work on your business
  • Taking ownership of everything in your business
  • How to set up your notifications to focus on productivity
  • Setting goals for your business and personal life

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331. Control The Controllables

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[00:00:00]

[00:00:00] Brian: Hey friend. Today I wanna talk to you about something that I learned from a 3-year-old recently, it's one of those things that like, of course I know this stuff, but then I'm reminded of it and we need to be reminded more than we need to be taught, right? It is this concept of something called controlling the controllables.

[00:00:11] Brian: no, 3-year-old said, Hey Brian, you should the controllables. But that's really what this boils down to, is that concept of controlling the controllables. And there are two main categories of things in our lives. are the things that we have no control over and that is generally the things that make the world feel like it's going to end soon.

[00:00:25] Brian: It's the things that are happening in the news. All the awful things that are out there that you have absolutely no control over, and then there are things that do affect you, like your height. What happened to you in the past, the weather, these are things that do affect you, but again, you have absolutely no control over those things.

[00:00:40] Brian: And then there's the other category ofthings. the other bucket are things that we do control. So I control what time I wake up in the morning. I may suck at it sometimes. I may hate waking up early, or I may want to sleep in, but I still control waking up at a certain time.

[00:00:51] Brian: I wake up at 5. 30 every day. By the way, Not to brag I do it first alarm for all you people out there were like 30 alarms And you have like 30 alarms going off before you wake up horrible habit break that [00:01:00] habit. Just one alarm. You're done control if or when I scroll through social media for how long I might scroll through it I control what I eat for lunch today, within reason

[00:01:07] Brian: but here's the lesson I heard from my three year old niece my brother in law her dad when she's having an emotional breakdown or some sort about something that she does not control in any way, shape, or form, he'll always ask her, what can you control?

[00:01:18] Brian: And she will say in her little three year old voice, my attitude and my actions,

[00:01:22] Brian: she's 11 now, she's a really good kid, but she's been saying this, I control my attitude, my actions. throughout all these years. And now I have two other nephews. One is like seven. One is now three and barely talks. And we'll probably be soon within the next year, be saying the exact same thing. I control my attitude and my actions.

[00:01:39] Brian: Great parenting.

[00:01:39] Brian: How does this relate to you though? That's ultimately what matters here. How does this actually relate to you? It's simple. stop focusing on those things that you don't control and let's control the controllables.these are the types of little things. Control the controllables, my attitude, my actions. These are these little, soundbites that we can keep replaying in our heads so that when something happens to you this week that you have no control over You can just simply say to yourself. I can control my attitude [00:02:00] and my actions I can at least recite something that a three year old can say, I like to think that you can.

[00:02:04] Brian: So think through like some of the scenarios that you've been through recently Where you just felt like you were out of control. You have no control over this It's like when a client who owes you money is ghosting you That's a common one sometimes, right? That sucks. When a great lead goes to a competitor, they were gonna hire you but they went with someone else.

[00:02:17] Brian: That sucks. You had no control over that. That toxic friend in your life who keeps making you feel like shit. Ooh, that sucks. Makes you feel bad. When the market inevitably crashes again or declines or industry fails or something like that. Anything that makes you feel like the sky is falling, even your empty bank account.

[00:02:33] Brian: I would say that that's something that you don't directly control right now. That's something that happened to you in the past. It's a direct result of the things you've done in the past, which you don't control, at least not right now. when you misdirect your focus to all of these things that you don't currently control, nothing you can do about right this second.

[00:02:46] Brian: It makes you feel helpless, gives you anxiety, gives you this feeling of powerlessness. Feeling powerless or out of control is one of those things that great to me.

[00:02:54] Brian: It's one of the worst feelings in the world This is a lot of times what can lead to depression. perpetual sadness, [00:03:00] giving up on something because you feel like you have no way out of something. That's where we start talking about control the controllables. So instead we focus on what we can control.

[00:03:07] Brian: So let's talk through just some of those scenarios really quick. We'll talk through how we can flip this and take the three year old as advice of, controlling your attitude and your actions, simple stuff. Hopefully these examples resonate with you in some way, shape, or form.

[00:03:18] Brian: All right. Client who owes you money. Some client owes you let's just say thousands of dollars. It's a lot of money and then they've ghosted you and you're not getting your money And you feel powerless you feel out of control. What do you control my attitude my actions? What is the attitude now? What do you shift your attitude towards this sucks, but *I just learned a 3, 000 lesson, right?*

[00:03:35] Brian: *This sucks I learned a 3, 000 lesson makes it feel a little less shitty. *That's the attitude The action change your payment policies. You control your attitude. I just learned a 3, 000 lesson. I control my actions. Okay. I'm going to change my payment policies and what's the new payment policy. It is what I've recommended this podcast for years now, unless you're a recurring service, we'll talk about that in a second, but for one time project pay type things, it is 30 to 50 percent Deposit upfront, [00:04:00] preferably non refundable. That's hard to do if you're not booked solid, but if you're booked solid high demand, you can do a non refundable 30 to 50 percent deposit, and then the remaining balance to do on the first day of the project or on the first checkpoint or deliverable of some sort.

[00:04:12] Brian: that could be, you mock something up or you do a planning session of some sort. Once the planning session is done, then they pay the remaining balance, but you do not do work that you haven't been paid for. That's really the gist of this year. That's the policy change. And that's the action you can take from that 3, 000 lesson.

[00:04:26] Brian: I had to learn this the hard way, much like many other freelancers. I lost out on payments that I should have gotten, and I had to change my payment policy to compensate for that.

[00:04:33] Brian: So that's just one example here. Next one. The great lead you really wanted to work with goes to a competitor. You can't control that. They decided to go with someone else. Maybe you could have done things better, but that's in the past. You don't control it. So instead of feeling powerless, what can we control?

[00:04:45] Brian: Our attitude and our actions. Our attitude should be instead of, Woe is me. I'm a failure. I just suck at everything. Instead of that, which you, do control these thoughts and these feelings. You can approach this with an attitude of, There's plenty of fish in the sea, just like in dating. When one doesn't work [00:05:00] out, there's plenty more that are out there.

[00:05:01] Brian: And what are your actions? Double down on your lead generation efforts. If you are swimming in leads, if you have tons and tons of new inquiries coming in every week, you're not going to obsess over that one that got away. It can still suck, right? of your dozens and dozens of leads in a month, there could be that one client you're really excited about and it falls through for whatever reason.

[00:05:19] Brian: But when you have dozens and dozens of other leads to fall back on, That's a very good cushion, so it doesn't hurt as much, right? Double down on your lead generation efforts, or, for many of you, just go from 0 to 1. Doubling 0 is nothing, Many of you, you're just waiting for clients to magically find you.

[00:05:34] Brian: one finally finds you, you're like, Oh my god, this is the best thing ever, I cannot wait. You obsess over this client, you smother them. They decide to go with someone who doesn't seem as desperate. And then you lose out on the one client you could have had, Because truly were desperate.

[00:05:46] Brian: So instead of waiting around, we double down on our lead generation efforts, or we start putting something in place to start generating leads that are out there. Now we have a whole series on this, the lead generation series Go back to episode

[00:05:57] Brian: 325, the secret to consistent clients [00:06:00] is the first episode in the lead generation series. Three 25, you can get there by six figure creative. com slash three, two, five.Every episode, you just go to the number in the URL and that'll take you straight there.

[00:06:08] Brian: But there are like four episodes in the series that were all replayed in the last couple months.

[00:06:13] Brian: But again, you control your attitude and your actions. Attitude is there's plenty of fish in the sea. Action is now let's go get more of those. It takes a feeling of powerlessness. Put some purpose behind what you're doing. this has been my default response in many ways. Now, obviously I'm not perfect.

[00:06:25] Brian: My God, no. There are plenty of times where I'll just sit around, sad, pathetic, and there's been stages in my life throughout that. There's certain things that I react negatively to where I don't control my attitude correctly. But in general, when something bad happens that I don't have control over, I default to this feeling of I have to grasp at something to take action, right?

[00:06:44] Brian: And that can be bad sometimes, but usually it's a good thing because I have to take some sort of steps towards fixing it instead of sitting in it forever. And many people just sit in it. They put themselves in this loop of feeling sorry for themselves, hating what they're doing, telling themselves how bad they are and [00:07:00] their actions reflect that Reacting to certain things coming at them instead of proactively taking actions towards something that's going to be fixing things for the better so that is why I wanted to talk about this on this episode So let's go to the toxic friend example where I talked about earlier we're talking through things you don't control that toxic friend in your life who makes you feel like shit I use friend in air quotes here because it's not really a good friend if they make you feel like shit all the time But toxic friend, the attitude here When someone hurts you like that, they're toxic.

[00:07:23] Brian: They're perpetually toxic. They're not good for you. The attitude is hurt people, hurt people, And when hurt people try to hurt you, that's not a reflection of you. It's not a reflection of your character, who you are, how you act, how you treat people. It is purely a reflection of how they look at themselves and how they feel and how they currently are.

[00:07:39] Brian: They're hurt, right? Now, it's not necessarily in many cases, your responsibility to fix that person. That's not what I'm saying, but I'm saying it's the attitude of that person is clearly hurt. They are lashing out. At people that they are close to, they are alienating themselves further. And the action that I can take, especially for now, for short term, at least is remove them from a life, or at least put up some strict boundaries to [00:08:00] keep this from happening over and over again.

[00:08:01] Brian: There is something called friend breakups. Those are totally a thing. You can break up with friends. You can remove them from your life completely. And I encourage this in many cases if that person is in your life, just constantly dragging you down, pulling you back, making you feel like crap.

[00:08:15] Brian: Just break up with them and you can do it in a number of ways. There's like the, I need to have a talk. This isn't working out just like any breakup would go in a like romantic relationship. But there's also just the phasing out of people, you phase out of lives in people's lives. There's people that you didn't want to phase out that you just naturally did over time.

[00:08:29] Brian: Cause that can happen over time when you don't intentionally pour into something that can drift apart. That happens in friendships that can happen in marriages. But then there's people that you should be drifting apart for that you're not. And they won't let go, but you should be letting go, and you can start distancing yourself from them.

[00:08:43] Brian: Multiple ways to do it. I'm not here to tell you how to do it, but as long as you're taking some sort of action towards that, it's for the better. Instead of, again, what a lot of people do is just accepting what's happening to them and doing nothing about it. And they tell themselves, I'm not worth it. I'm not worth a better situation here.

[00:08:58] Brian: It's the same reason people stay in abusive [00:09:00] relationships. They allow their attitude or their mindset here to think that they deserve this in some way, shape, or form when you don't. You don't deserve that.

[00:09:06] Brian: Let's talk about one of my favorite ones here. When the market crashes or the industry fails, the economy's down. any time the economy takes like a 3 percent dip, The market drops 3%. I start hearing talks of, ah, my client's dried up. And then I'll start digging into this. I will, Ask follow up questions.

[00:09:23] Brian: Just say, Hey, tell me more about this. Tell me about your clients. Are they losing their jobs? Like What is their source of funding? when you really dive into it, their clients are not affected. Their industry is really not affected. funding sources for the projects haven't been effective.

[00:09:33] Brian: If anything, a lot of times they're spurred on by changes in the economy. And when you bring it all back, they're using it as an excuse for allowing themselves to fail.

[00:09:42] Brian: So instead of saying, this is how it is. I'm just going to let it keep happening to me. Let's think about how we can control our attitude and our actions for this attitude. This is cyclical. The economy is cyclical. It goes up and down, up and down all day long, all year long, all decade long.

[00:09:55] Brian: If we want to have any longevity in this, we just have to be able to figure out our actions, which is put our head [00:10:00] down and weather the storm or pivot. Those are your two actions you can take. And there's times where we can't. Putting your head down and just continuing forward makes the most sense. Some people may drop away, give up, and you're better off for it at the end because you're the one still weathering the storm at the end of it.

[00:10:13] Brian: When people come up for air, We saw this in COVID when COVID happened and a lot of the industry's dried up. The people who weathered the storm. We're doing the best after COVID ended economies open back up. People started spinning again. The people who were left standing at the end of the day were the ones who were succeeding, who were most successful.

[00:10:27] Brian: And then there's times to pivot where some people pivoted during COVID or in the great recession or in the great depression, who knows they pivoted back then because their industry truly did dry up. It really wasn't going to come back or some other thing came up where there's a better opportunity to spend your time.

[00:10:41] Brian: So instead of wallowing in the,self pity here,people who pivot And take other opportunities can be better off after that. Now, again, I'm not here to tell you which one's the better for your situation, but the goal here is to tell you, you control your attitude and your actions. You can control the controllables.

[00:10:55] Brian: You cannot control the uncontrollables. You have no control over the economy. You have no control over a worldwide [00:11:00] pandemic, but you do control how you react to those things. Do you weather the storm or do you pivot? Knowing that these things are cyclical means they're cycles. They up and down, they go in and out.

[00:11:09] Brian: You have no control over that.

[00:11:11] Brian: So when the sky is falling, we do not stress out over the things we don't control. Instead, we focus on controlling the controllables.

[00:11:16] Brian: And kind of that last example I gave, your empty bank account where this feels like it's a controllable, but really it's not because of things that happened in the past that led you to this empty, broke bank account, right? So let's talk through what we can control, our attitude and our actions when we have an empty bank account.

[00:11:29] Brian: First attitude, time to step it up, rise to the challenge. Things are looking bleak right now. I've clearly not done what I should be doing the last few months, last six months, last year. It's in the past though. I can't change that. It's not something I control right now. What I do control is my attitude.

[00:11:41] Brian: I'm going to rise to the occasion. I'm going to change this and I'm going to take actions to change that. And the actions can be any number of things. Spend the first three hours of every day fixing whatever was broken that got you here. It could be that you have absolutely no client acquisition systems in place.

[00:11:56] Brian: Spend your first three hours of every day working on client acquisition.

[00:11:59] Brian: If you are [00:12:00] making good money and you're still broke, maybe you need to workon setting up a budget, spend three hours every day, setting up a great rock solid budget and budgeting app work through this stuff until you can reduce your workload to just an hour a day and then five minutes a day.

[00:12:10] Brian: And you're able to manage your finances better. So you don't put yourself in the position where you're spending more than you're making. I've seen plenty of people that make a lot of money and spend even more money and are still broke, But if you don't have money, You should have time. If you don't have time, you don't have money.

[00:12:22] Brian: You're doing something wrong here. You might be spending the first three hours of every day analyzing your entire day, your entire week to figure out where's your time going. Are you taking on projects that you're underpaid for? It's time to raise rates. You can't be busy and broke at the same time. but yeah, first three hours of every day, maybe you're spending on fixing your lead generation issues. Setting up those systems, putting them into place, running them all the time. sales issues. Maybe you need to work on your sales process. Maybe you need to role play with friends, other colleagues on how to actually run a good sales process.

[00:12:48] Brian: Maybe you spend a few hours every day following up with leads. Maybe you need to spend a few hours every day. Just short term to fix your fulfillment issues so that you can take on more clients in less time. So you're not busy and broke, right? You control all [00:13:00] of these things,

[00:13:00] Brian: but do you notice the difference when I'm talking through this versus I will just wallow in myself. Pity the sky is falling. I have no control. I take no ownership. When you're focused on the things you don't control, you don't have to take ownership of it. honestly easier.

[00:13:13] Brian: That's why so many people are willing to just complain about the economy, complain about the president, complain about X, Y, and Z, things that you really have no control over as an individual, things that you absolutely don't affect in any significant way, but you want to complain about because it makes you feel better about it.

[00:13:26] Brian: It takes a lot more work to focus on the things you actually control because you have to take ownership of these things. There's a book, Extreme Ownership, Jocko Willink. I read it years and years ago. I honestly don't remember the specifics of the book, but at the end, I do remember the feeling of wanting to run through a wall.

[00:13:41] Brian: Here's what I mean. The book is all about Every single problem in your life or in your business is something that ultimately, Is on you to take responsibility for if something breaks in your business, it's your fault. You have to take ownership of that.

[00:13:53] Brian: If an employee does something wrong, it's your fault. if your inbox is empty every month, you take extreme ownership of that. when I say run through a wall. I just mean [00:14:00] like it encouraged me to just challenge myself, To try to see if I break through a wall, probably a terrible analogy, see what I'm saying here, but that's challenging To go from this extreme avoidance to extreme ownership for many, many people. I probably already lost you by here if you're that type of person. But when I talk about an episode of

[00:14:14] Brian: taking control of the controllables, that feels bad for a lot of people. They don't want to do that. Let me shift gears here a little bit and just talk through a couple of small areas that I focus on control my controls.

[00:14:22] Brian: Again, I'm not perfect here. But there's a few things that I control that really affect my life in a positive way that set me up for success. And the first is I control my routine. I have found that I thrive in a routine. Ask my wife, ask my dad, ask my mom, ask my friends, anyone close to me.

[00:14:37] Brian: I thrive in a routine. And it's because in a routine, I've eliminated many of the external factors. that can affect me in a negative way. when I control my routine in my environment and all the things within that every single day, I'm able to get more done, be more productive, have a better attitude, eat healthier.

[00:14:53] Brian: when I'm outside of that routine, I'm less productive. I have a worse attitude. A lot of times I'm eating less healthy because I'm outside of this little bubble [00:15:00] life created for myself.Now there are pros and cons to this, but when I can set up this little wonderful bubble of routine in my life, every day at home, I have much more control over the things in my life that are going to give me the outcomes that I want.

[00:15:11] Brian: Another one that kind of goes along with a routine. Is I control my phone. I could be home sitting here in my wonderful little routine bubble, but if my phone were on all the time, I would get constant pings from my team because I've got seven full time members now on my team, some full time staff, bunch of other contractors.

[00:15:27] Brian: I'd have pings on my phone from slack or texts, social media, things coming in all the time, coming at me,pulling me out of my routine, out of what I've deemed as important because their agendas have shown up on my screen. So I keep my phone on do not disturb because I control that

[00:15:40] Brian: I have no control over people contacting me, but I do have control over which apps are my phone, what notifications get shown if anything, but my phone is on do not disturb 24 seven, because I found controlling that helps me in a lot of other ways.

[00:15:51] Brian: It helps me by not having my phone vibrate all the time, or my Apple watch vibrate. There was one day, just for fun, when I was on vacation, I turned my phone off of Do Not Disturb [00:16:00] and the amount of vibrations my Apple Watch gave me for notifications was jarring.

[00:16:04] Brian: There's people that are actually just all day long, Apple Watch is vibrating. That's terrible, But when it's all off My brain can slow down, focus on the things I care about. I can focus on the tasks projects or whatever I am focused on to push my business forward. One other thing I control is I control the food that goes in my body when I'm in my nice little routine bubble.

[00:16:22] Brian: Very difficult when I'm outside of that, because I might be with friends or families and they pick where we eat and I can control within the menu, what I'm ordering. But then there's more temptations or there's just not healthy options there.

[00:16:33] Brian: But when I'm home, I control the control was here. every Wednesday. I order next week's lunches. I use a meal service vibrant meals in Nashville. They make them locally. They deliver them to your house. They're pretty expensive, cheaper than takeout, but way more expensive than just cooking at home, but it's very convenient.

[00:16:49] Brian: So I'll order four or five meals every day for lunches. For my next week, I order them Wednesday. They're delivered on Sundays. Every weekend, my wife and I will plan meal prep for dinners for that entire week, and we'll order groceries that allows us again, to [00:17:00] control the controls I control ordering meals from my phone or my app.

[00:17:03] Brian: We control what meals we plan for the week. What groceries you order every week. We control that. And that ultimately leads to better food in my body. Becauseremember earlier when I said, there's no separation from you as a freelancer and your business, you as an individual and your freelance business are the exact same thing.

[00:17:17] Brian: So if you eat poorly, you don't exercise, you treat yourself poorly, you have a bad mindset, you're probably not gonna make very much money. But if you allow yourself to be healthier, to exercise more, to eat healthier these sorts of things allow you to flourish as a freelancer, or any sort of business owner.

[00:17:31] Brian: And then finally, the last thing here, and then I'll wrap this episode up I control the goals I set for myself.

[00:17:35] Brian: Everything boils down to the goals I set for myself, because the goals that I set, which I have control over, determine which projects or initiatives get worked on. Because goals get broken down into projects or initiatives.

[00:17:45] Brian: The projects take on determine where my time or focus go every single day. And when you have this cascading effect, each of which I have control over, I have control over my goals. I have control over which projects get focused on that I think have the highest chance for success. I have control over where my focus goes throughout the day to get [00:18:00] those projects done.

[00:18:00] Brian: Ultimately determines how successful I am.

[00:18:03] Brian: And many, many people that I talk to, that we work with as clientshave no real goals for themselves other than survive. I got to get through another month or I just want to make a little bit of money. And they never have actually defined it, much less reverse engineered what that looks like.

[00:18:16] Brian: You've never sat down and think, I want to make a hundred grand. What does that look like? I need to make 8, 333 a month. Okay. What does that look like? My average project is 2, 000. That means I need to have four or five projects a month. Okay. Four or five projects a month got to get at least gosh, eight to 10 sales calls a month, 20 to 50 inquiries, depending on what your conversion metrics are.

[00:18:34] Brian: If I need 10 phone calls, that means I need to get 20, 30 leads to then book a call. Like they've never put that much effort or thought into reverse engineering their goals. I've set very ambitious five year goals. I've done it since 2020. And I am on my fourth year of my initial 2020 five year goal. I am one year behind.

[00:18:52] Brian: And that one year being behind is because I avoided doing something that I should have done that took me a year to do. That's the only reason I'm one year behind my five [00:19:00] year goal. But I also set another five year goal. Two years ago, and I'm on pace for that,

[00:19:04] Brian: but I have intention that goes behind what I do. And I want that same level of intention for anyone listening to the show or at least some level of intention.My first year end retreat as a business owner was

[00:19:13] Brian: 2019 into 2020.

[00:19:15] Brian: I've been doing it every year since.

[00:19:16] Brian: So my goal is that at least one person, you right now, you listening to the show right now, or watching on YouTube, at least one person listening to this episode, we'll make the shift to controlling the controllables, not focusing on the sky is falling and all these things. I have no control over, but control the controller controllables, your attitude and your actions, having goal, having intentions.

[00:19:32] Brian: Every time something comes up, that's out of your control, stepping back and just saying that same mantra that my three year old niece can say.

[00:19:39] Brian: You control your attitude and your actions. Take seven days, see how that affects your life and see if you enjoy it. See if you're willing to take ownership over what you actually can control and then actively understand that the things that you have no control over should not get a massive share of your mind.

[00:19:55] Brian: Your time, your attention. also one of the reasons I don't pay attention to the news. My wife [00:20:00] thinks I'm crazy. She wants to be informed. I say, I don't care. I cannot care about the entire world news because I don't think human beings were meant to know what's going on in the entire world.

[00:20:09] Brian: It was until the last hundred years that we were aware of what was happening in every country on earth. back then they just knew what was going on in the region, maybe in their country. I can't control what happens in every other country on earth. All of the bad things. I can only control what happens barely within my own household.

[00:20:24] Brian: Definitely not much within my own city, right? I can control my own business, my team within regards. I have more influence than control there,

[00:20:31] Brian: but I've severely limit the outside inputs because those are usually the things that I cannot control. So take seven days to see how it feels.

[00:20:38] Brian: Consider going on a news fast for seven days, and focus on controlling the control bus.

[00:20:42] Brian: That's all I got for you this week. Hopefully this is a little bit of a different one is helpful. Let me know your thoughts. You can reply back to any email you get from us

[00:20:49] Brian: or message me on whatever social app you prefer. That's all I got. See you next week. Thanks so much for listening to the six figure creative podcast.

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